Hello, and welcome to my very first blog of 2022. I am excited to share what the Lord has placed on my heart. This blog serves as a re-introduction/introduction to those that are new to, “A Journal of Love.” My goal, in being transparent within the pages of today’s blog, is to share with you why I am so passionate about God! He keeps showing up in my life as; A Faithful Father. A Healer. A Restorer. And a repairer of the Breach. It’s been 2 years since I released one of these. So, here goes it (my very first blog of the New Year)….
“Never be afraid to tell your story – it may inspire others.”
This, my labor of love to the Lord, began with a prompting given to me by the Holy Spirit years before, as a way to share my faith.
The death of my dad, my boom-boom, at the age of 4, had a profound impact on my life. Death and sadness seemed to surrounded me (my dad, my god-mother, my babysitter, my grandfather, and so on). I found myself, as a young child, terrified of also losing my mom (tears flowed frequently). Consequently, it caused me to hold on tight to those that I loved and to build walls for all others. To the outside world, I was quiet and very shy.
I grew up on the south side of Chicago on a rough block, where there were times that I literally had to fight my way home. As soon as my mother was able, we moved, and I was very thankful.
Soon after I began high school and started dating. I had 3 boyfriends throughout high school – the 3rd and final one, would eventually become my husband of 33+ years. I met him when I was 16, and together, we became pregnant. That, and another pregnancy did not end well – and, the guilt and the shame of the way both ended, would haunt me for years to come. It was not long after that, that we married. I knew that I did not want to date again! I still remember my mom throwing up her hands in surrender. We were so very young (married as teenagers, soon to be teenage parents as well). My mom knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, and it wasn’t.
Five years into our marriage, my husband and I began attending Wheaton Christian Center (WCC), and later joined. There the process of healing began. It was a game-changer for our relationship. Pastor and Mrs. Arthurs were great examples to follow.
But in early 2000, the winds of change blew, and my husband’s job brought us here to Missouri. We prayed with Pastor Arthurs before moving and God directed us to a new church in our new city.
It did not take long for the sadness to creep back in. God had blessed me with some really incredible friendships back home – that I believed would last a lifetime. With this move, I missed them terribly. And, I also missed my family, and longed to move back home. My mom suggested that I; get out and meet some new people. So, I did.
I met myself some really nice individuals. But unfortunately, I was also met with some gossip about others, then again gossip about myself. I was devastated. I wanted so badly to fit in, to find good friends, and then this. Those rumors were vicious. Character assignation (not just about me but about others, as well). It seemed gossip was everywhere, and no one was escaping its grip.
Here are a few things that I learned along the way:
I made a decision not to defend myself against those rumors, but to love, and to walk in forgiveness. The more I prayed, and sought the Lord, the more He brought real friends into my life. Ones that I did not need to impress, please or convince of who I was. I could just be myself. #perfectlyimperfect
Our Words, They Matter! Life Lessons (Part 1);
- Take the current political climate for example (no matter what side you are on); There will always be another rumor. There will always be someone who is willing to use their words to tear down (rather than build up); There will always be someone willing to assassinate your character. There will always be someone committed to misunderstanding you! Question: So, why not defend yourself? My Answer: Friendships that are worth having, you don’t have to force. It either comes together naturally (in God’s timing), or it doesn’t.
- Even though I did not defend myself – there were times; over and over again, that I tried to prove that I was worthy, that I was a good person by doing “good works.” But experience soon taught me that those friendships never lasted, and that they were built on the wrong things.
- Our words, they do matter! And we need to be careful how we use them. Gossip/Idle chatter can be dangerous. If we are not careful, we can easily fall into its trap. Refuse to participate in it. Give it to God and allow Him to do only what he can do. Leave it in His (God’s) hands, let him do a work in and through your heart. He is Faithful!
The Oil of Joy, for the Spirit of Heaviness Life Lessons (Part 2):
- It was hard for me to see the good that surrounded me; My sense of self was low. My future; I thought for sure that I would die young. I discovered that my outlook was not very positive. I don’t remember smiling much – I do remember lots of tears though, and that my head was almost always down. I felt the weight of the world. But God! He slowly but surely began showing me a way up and out. And it all started when we, as a couple, made a decision to put Him (God) first. We began attending church (WCC), and then after a year, got plugged in, and began serving. I joined the choir and at that time, every weekly rehearsal began with prayer. I mean we really prayed for each other. That, coupled with the Words attached to the Worship songs we sung, had a transforming power in my life. I begin to see. I begin to see differently. My perspective was being changed. I was beginning to smile more, and my head was beginning to lift.
- I learned the value of a safe place. That church (WCC) for our family was a safe place, a safe haven: My definition of a safe place: A place, where you can learn, grow, make mistakes and be corrected. An environment, where you and your family are accepted, loved and positioned to heal, flourish, and thrive. A place where you can share your ups, downs, wins and losses without judgement. A place where together we can help to build the Kingdom of God by serving in our community.
- I had to learn to eliminate distractions: Once we moved, I became distracted. I was overly concerned with, rather someone liked me or not. I soon learned that, that was the wrong focused – and to be honest probably caused some to not like me at all, and I don’t blame them (I was trying way too hard). Being new, and reaching out to get to know others, can be hard for me. I stumble over my words; “open mouth, insert foot.” I’m awkward, and to be honest still a little shy at times. It’s easy for me to stay quiet and to keep my distant even now. But I am allowing the Lord to push me out of my comfort zone. I am a work in process. I am a lifelong learner!
- I have also learned to celebrate the wins (big or small) that God brings into my life. Example: For years, I was secretly terrified that my daughter (my first born) would lose her dad at a young age – as I had! That she would end up pregnant at 16 – as I had! Those fears brought on much sadness! The game changed – when at WCC, we gathered with other parents and began praying for our children. The game changed when I began attending all-night prayer sessions with Mrs. Arthurs. The game changed when I began to learn and apply the word of God to different circumstances that we faced. The gamed changed when we began prayer for our children just about every morning before school. My life experiences did not have to be my daughter’s experience. In fact, it wasn’t! She graduated Summa Cum Laude (within the top 8 of her class), then went on to one of the top Universities in the nation (and her dad, my husband, still lives, and loves on her). Those early fears proved; “False Evidence Appearing Real.” That is why,I beam when I am asked about her. I beam because God has shown Himself to be a Faithful Father in my life. I remain in Awe of Him!
My life changed when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior! Transformation came when we began gathering in community with other believers. This blog, “A Journal of Love” was created as a vehicle to share my faith with others (not from a “know-it-all” perspective, but from a “learn-it-all” one). It’s meant to encourage, inspire and uplift (something that I needed most throughout my 52 years on this earth). Life can be tough!
Recently, my car broke down on the highway – at a very inconvenient moment (on my way to serving in church). My husband swooped in, picked me up and dropped me off at church in order that I may serve. There, encouragement met me at the door! And, I needed every bit of it (smile). We are now down a car, but instead of focusing on that loss – I choose to focus in on; “the next one.” God will provide and when he does it will be at the right time. There is no need for me to worry, and no need for me to fret. I believe that God is a God of Restoration – And, I believe that it will not be too long! #HavingTheRightPerspective
This is what the Lord asked me to Share on today – and, I have obeyed! My hope, and my prayer is that it brings encouragement into your life, no matter what you face on today.
This is Me! And, this is my; “Labor of Love.”
